Building and Sustaining Friendships

By Lekshmy Sankar | 11-Mar-2018

Recently, I related a story to a colleague of mine about how I was struggling to keep a friendship alive with a friend of mine and she gave me some great advice. She said, "a friend can be in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You shouldn't try to push it for more than it is." While I have had this friend for over a decade I realized I was trying too hard to be friends for the wrong reason - not because of mutual interests but because of the time I had invested in the friendship. 

In retrospect, we became friends at a point in my life where I felt free to travel without obligations and I felt like I could say anything or do anything without being held accountable. I realized how much that point in my life meant to me personally and I was trying to connect with this friend even though we no longer had anything in common. 

Reflecting on the advice I was given, I see now that my friendship with this person was for a season and was right at the time I needed it most, and when she needed it for her own reasons. Though this person remains a great connection and I really want to keep the friendship alive, sometimes seeing the end result lagging along is painful.

Like all relationships at work or in your personal life, a good friendship takes work. When you find you've grown apart or no longer connect in a meaningful way, it becomes important to decide how to proceed. Ask yourself if you are holding on to a feeling or if you are genuinely interested in the other person's life. Also, ask yourself if they are genuinely interested in you. Sometimes professionally I find that I can mesh really well with someone and when a project ends we are left with an awkward friendship where we only talk about the past. 

What I have learned about friendships, short or long-term, is that you need to keep them fresh and rewarding for both parties. Some tips are:

• Listen to their passions and find out what interests you share. Then, engage in an activity that relates to that interest. It is much less awkward to be doing something you both enjoy than forcing a conversation during dinner.
• Reach out to them. Include them in updates and developments in your life. Sometimes others aren't as great at planning activities or asking you what's going on in your life. They might care, but they are too engulfed in their own situation to look beyond the aisle.
• Compliment them. People tend to warm up or be more open to new ideas when you genuinely notice a good quality or interesting aspect of their life.
• Make an effort. I love the old saying "it takes a friend to be a friend."

Relationships are a two-way street and some are more lasting than others. Remember, it takes the effort to build and sustain relationships. These are some of the efforts that I have found work well in sustaining a relationship. What do you do? What are your tips for building and sustaining relationships? 

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