By Lekshmy Sankar | 17-May-2018
I had a meeting recently where the person I was talking to took everything I wrote in an email and twisted it to mean something entirely different. It felt like I was in some movie where he drew me out as this villain with a diabolical plot. I was so thrown off by this person's approach, the only thing I could think of was a quote or a lesson I learned from the Disney movie Cinderella. I reminded myself to “have courage and be kind.” How many times do we take what we read in an email and interpret it as we read it, not as it was intended? Or instead of discussing it directly with this person, we make up a narrative in our mind that takes on a life of its own. The thing is, the narrative is almost always worse than reality. Why do we do that? We don't like it when people talk about us or think the worst about us so why do we do that to others? These are some of my tips and tricks to help you when someone is not kind to you and how you can have the courage to deal with it:
Don't internalize - When someone judges you or is rude to you, that is their problem, not yours. You should not internalize their issues as yours. When you do that, you spread the negativity to others, and the cycle continues.
Let go - One of my favorite apps is "Headspace," which does guided meditation and only takes a couple of minutes of your time each day. Their techniques can help you become more centered and help in breathing and letting go of the negativity.
Gratitude - If you start making a list of all the things you are grateful for, I find it helps to change your mindset, and you start becoming happier.
Walk it off - If someone is unkind and you can't handle the stress, it's okay to say you need a break and physically take a walk around the building to clear your head. It doesn't make you a coward to walk away - it takes courage to recognize a bad situation and deal with it maturely.
Smile - The simple act of smiling can sometimes diffuse a bad situation. It will also encourage other people to smile back at you. Moreover, smiling can help make you feel happier.
Avoid judging people in return - When someone is unkind to you, it's easy to judge them or worse, try to get even. That will get you nowhere. Give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they are good people that have the facts wrong or are having a bad day themselves. Most of all, avoid gossiping about the situation, or any case. Gossiping says more about your character than the target of your gossip. Gossip can also have a snowball effect leading others to validate their original feelings towards you, which only hurts you in the long run. Instead, treat people the way you would like to be treated even if they do not treat you with the same courtesy.
Tell them how you feel - It is okay to tell someone how you feel if they have offended you. You don't have to play the victim, and you can simply tell them how their words or actions impacted you. However, avoid verbiage and body language that could put them on the defensive. Try to stick to facts and explain precisely how a situation made you feel.
Avoid negativity - if someone continually makes you feel bad, avoid them to the extent circumstances allow. Surround yourself with positive people. You only have one life to live, why spend it with people who are unkind? If this is someone you have to deal with on a regular basis, remember it's better to deflect negativity than engage in it yourself. This is a futile cause.
Listen - sometimes people lash out for reasons that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. If this happens to you, reach out and listen and try to understand their viewpoint. Give them your full attention and try not to interrupt or turn the conversation back to you as this will make you seem self-absorbed. You may be surprised by the outcome.
So why don't we all make a promise and take a lesson from Cinderella: 'have courage and be kind.' We might not have to deal with evil stepsisters or stepmothers, but we do indeed have to work with people who might not be kind at all times. If we can all try to be kind, the workday is going to be much more comfortable and more rewarding for us all.
Your email will not be displayed in comment.
No comments yet, Be the first to comment.